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| Thi stl ebu rr' s Th e Co smi c Ou tho use |  | ||||
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READ OTHERS WRITINGS OR
CHOCOLATE
If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands,you're eating it too slowly.
Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange
slices and strawberries all count as fruit,
so eat as many as you want.
The problem:
How to get 2 pounds of chocolate
home from the store in a hot car.
The solution:
Eat it in the parking lot.
Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal.
It'll take the edge off your appetite, and you'll
eat less.
If calories are an issue,
store your chocolate on top of the fridge.
Calories are afraid of heights,
and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect
themselves.
Eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate.
That way you have a balanced diet.
Money talks.
Chocolate sings. Beautifully.
Chocolate has many preservatives.
Preservatives make you look younger.
Therefore, you need to eat more chocolate.
Put "eat chocolate" at the
top of your list of things to do today.
That way, at least you'll get one thing done.
A nice box of chocolates can provide your
total daily intake of calories in one place.
Now, isn't that handy?
If you can't eat all your chocolate,
it will keep in the freezer.
But if you can't eat all your chocolate,
what's wrong with you?
The positive side of life"
Living on Earth is expensive,
but it does include a
free trip around the sun every year.
How long a minute is depends on what side of
the
bathroom door you're on.
Birthdays are good for you;
the more you have, the
longer you live.
Happiness comes through doors you didn't
even know
you left open.
Ever notice that the people who are
late are often
much jollier than the people who
have to wait for them?
If Walmart is lowering prices every day,
how come nothing is free yet?
You may be only one person in the world,
but you may also be the world to one person.
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened.
We could learn a lot from crayons: some are
sharp,
some are pretty, some are dull,
some have weird
names, and all are different colors....
but they all
exist very nicely in the same box.
2 Robins
Two robins were sitting in a tree.
"I'm really
hungry," said the first one.
"Lets fly down and find some lunch.
"They flew down to the ground and found a nice
plot
of newly plowed ground that was full of worms.
They ate and ate and ate till they could eat no
more.
"I'm so full, I don't think I can fly back up into the
tree,
" said the first one.
"Let's just lay back here and bask in the warm sun,"
said the second. "O K," said the first.
So they
plopped down, basking in the sun.
No sooner than they had fallen asleep,
when a big
fat tomcat up and gobbled them up.
As the cat sat washing his face after his meal,
he
thought . . .
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"I just love BASKIN ROBINS
PEANUTS
A doctor at an insane asylum, decided to take his patients to a baseball game.
For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands.
When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well.
As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, "Up nuts!" The inmates complied by standing up.
After the anthem he yelled, "Down Nuts!" They all sat.
After a home run he yelled, "Cheer nuts!" They all broke into applause and cheers.
Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer and a hot dog,
leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned there was a riot in progress.
Finding his assistant, he asked what happened.
The assistant replied,
"Well...everything was fine until some guy walked by and yelled,
"PEANUTS!"
|
| Thi stl ebu rr' s Th e Co smi c Ou tho use | | ||||
|
Jokes-1 | Jokes-2 | Jokes-3 | Jokes-4 | Jokes-5 | |
| Facts | Writings | Lymericks | Graffitti my Walls! | |||
| LINKS | YIM: THISTLEBUR | Never Ending Story | ||||
| Add To: | Jokes | Facts | Writings | Lymericks | ||
| Guestbook: VIEW / SIGN | FEEDBACK / E-MAIL | YIM: THISTLEBUR | ||||
| - Don't forget to flush and wash your hands... | ||||||