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| Thi stl ebu rr' s Th e Co smi c Ou tho use |  | ||||
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READ OTHERS WRITINGS OR
If Athletes get athlete's feet what do Astronauts get?
Missile Toe
What do Santa's reindeer put on a Christmas tree?
Horn-aments.
What kind of bird can write?
A Pen-guin.
What do Elves make sandwiches from?
Shortbread.
What is Tarzan's favorite Christmas song?
Jungle Bells.
What goes Ho! Ho! Ho! thump?
Santa laughing his head off
What do you have in December that you don't
have in any other month?
The letter 'D'.
Who was Frosty the Snowman's favorite aunt?
Aunt Artica
What did the Cop say when he caught Frosty the
Snowman stealing?
Freeze!
OLD AGE
One day, two old men from a retirement home were sitting on the front porch retirement home. One man says to the other, 'Ya know, Bill, if you think about it, we are not that old. I mean, my memory is still very good.' As the man said this, he knocked on the wood chair beside him.'Actually, sharp as ever.' After a couple minutes of silence, the first man started to talk again, 'So, is anyone going to get the door or do I have to do it?'
The Pirates Hook
One day a Pirate and a waiter were talking to each other in a cafe. The Waiter asked the pirate 'Where did ya get that peg leg from?' The Pirate responded ' We were sailing the seas when a big ol' shark came up to me while I was swimmin' and bit off me leg.' Later the Waiter asked 'Where did you get that hook then?' The pirate responded 'Well, me crew and I were in a battle and it got cut through the bone.' The Waiter then asked ' Then where did ya get the eye patch from?' The pirate said ' In a harbor I looked at a gull flying over head and it took a dump right in me eye.' The Waiter was puzzled and asked the pirate, 'How would that make you get an eye patch?' The pirate responded, 'First day with the hook.'
Some years ago a man was visiting the country of Transylvania and had the misfortune of being captured by vampires.
He was rendered unconscious by a blow on the head then carried to a old cliff side castle.
On regaining consciousness he found himself bound to a post in the center of what had been a large banquet hall.
Milling around him were dozens of vampires, ghouls, werewolves and assorted hideous and obviously bloodthirsty beings.
All during the night these unholy beings howled, screeched, and screamed. Endlessly each evil creature took turns draining a goblet of his lifeblood and drank it as he was forced to look on.
Although frightened and weak from loss of blood the man bravely made the most of it and tried to keep his composure.
As the sun was beginning to come up things quieted down somewhat. Demons lay sprawled around the room sleeping off an all night blood guzzling orgy.
One vampire giggling at the tied up man spoke to him with a deep Transylvanian accent, 'Vell, my unfortunate friend... he he he... 'ow you like ze celebration by now?'
'Well', gasped the man weakly, 'I do have one complaint.'
'Complaint? Vell out wis it. Vhat iss wrong? Vy you no happy?'
'I admit it was a great and lively party, everyone seemed to have a good time. But...well...I'M TIRED OF BEING STUCK FOR THE DRINKS!!'
Q: What does the Big bad Wolf eat in a diner?
A: The Waiter.
Q: What do you get when a giant sneezes?
A:OUT OF THE WAY.
Q: What yep of Music do Dragons play?
A: Scales.
Q: How does King Arthur see at night ?
A: With Knight light.
Q: What does merlin have at night?
A: Knightmares.
Q: What do Pinocchio and George Washington have in common?
A: Wooden teeth.
Q: Why do elephants wear sneakers?
A: So they can sneak up on mice.
Q: What time is it when an elephant sits on a fence?
A: Time to fix it.
Q: Why do Elephants get thrown from Public pools?
A: They can't keep their trucks up.
Q: What do you call an elephant that flies?
A: A jumbo jet.
Q: What do you call a dog that can hear?
A: It doesn't matter he won't hear you anyway.
Q: What is big as an Elephant but is weightless?
A: AN Elephants shadow.
Q: What gets wet as it Dries?
A: A Towel.
One snake said to the other: Are we poisonous?
2nd snake: Why?
1st snake: Cause I just bit my lip.
Spell a form of MOUSETRAP that is only 3 letters long................C-A-T!
Q: What do fish call a Submarine?
A: A can of Humans.
Q: What do you get If A tiger bites you in the snow ?
A: FrostBite.
Q: Why is it hard for Leopards to hide?
A:
They're always spotted.
Q: How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep?
A: ROCKET.
Q: What did the pony say when he coughed ?
A: Sorry I am just a little horse
Q: What lies down a hundred feet in the air?
A: a centipede
Q: What type of bee can never be understood?
A: a Mumble bee.
Q: Why do bees hum?
A: They can't remember the words.
Q: What is the biggest ant?
A: an Eleph-ANT
Q: Why did the fly Fly?
A:
A Spider Spied her.
Q: How do you stop a skunk from smelling?
A: Hold his nose.
Q: What do yo get if you cross a Bear and a Skunk?
A: Winnie the P. U.
Q: What is black white and red?
A: a Newspaper.
Q: Why do dogs scratch themselves?
A: They are the only one that knows where they itch.
Q: Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
A: He had NO-BODY to go with him
Q: What did the blind porcupine Say to the cactus?
A: Is that you Ma?
Q: What do you call a Bull asleep?
A: a Bull dozer.
Q: Why did the cow go BAA BAA at the farmer?
A: It was learning a Foreign language.
Q: What is 3 inches high and has Four legs and a trunk?
A: a Mouse on vacation .
Q: What has the head of a cat, A tail of a cat, and is NOT a cat?
A: A Kitten
Q: If there are 10 copycats in one car and a cat gets out how many are left?
A: None
Q: What do you call a cat in the circus that does somersaults up in the air?
A: an Acro-cat.
Q: Why do cats have fur coats?
A: they look silly in plastic or denim
Q: How do you stop a dog barking in the house ?
A: Put him Outside.
Q: What goes tick-tock, BOW WOW Tick-tock?
A: a watchdog.
Q: What do a cat at the beach have?
A: Sandy Claws.
Q: What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A: a Brick Layer.
Q: What pet can you play?
A: a Trumpet.
Father: How were your exam Questions today son?
They were easy, But I had trouble with the answers.
|
| Thi stl ebu rr' s Th e Co smi c Ou tho use | | ||||
|
Jokes-1 | Jokes-2 | Jokes-3 | Jokes-4 | Jokes-5 | |
| Facts | Writings | Lymericks | Graffitti my Walls! | |||
| LINKS | YIM: THISTLEBUR | Never Ending Story | ||||
| Add To: | Jokes | Facts | Writings | Lymericks | ||
| Guestbook: VIEW / SIGN | FEEDBACK / E-MAIL | YIM: THISTLEBUR | ||||
| - Don't forget to flush and wash your hands... | ||||||